Dec 18 2008
Mad Woman By The River
2008-12-18 18:56:53
Boise River runs through our capitol city. I enjoy riding my mountain bike along the green belt trail that runs along it in the Spring and Summer months. In this icy cold we are experiencing in this part of the country right now I am not able to ride. This gets me feeling clostriphobic and not alittle ansy. Something about snow on the ground that makes me feel confined.
I suffer from severe depression and I don’t go in for the winter sports alot of Idahoans enjoy. I work online, shop, go to the gym and interact with my grandkids, family and friends. That’s life in my slow lane. At this point in time anyway. In May I am going to go to the opposite side of the United States and meet a man I met on Tagged, a social networking site. I haven’t been on a plane for thirty years or more. So much has changed, but thats another blog.
I spent the two hours at the gym today reconstituting my goals for the coming year. Scarey since I have spent two years in a room, in an apartment in the North End of Boise. Severe depression is like being in a sleeping coma. You are aware but care nothing about the day-to day-activities of life. You just drift through the days as if you are a dust bunny.
In four more months I travel across the United States to meet someone I know but I have never met in person. Different? Yes. Unlike anything I have ever done before. I put alot of store in this man. He is unique and spiritual. He is calm and dedicated. He is unlike any man I have ever known. I am sure I will be blogging more about him in the future and expressing to the world my take on him after we meet.
And in trying to keep myself together until May I wonder about all manner of things. I wonder sometimes how the gals on The View do it. It drives me mad to listen to them talk over one another and try so desperately to be heard. Frustration. Is that true debate? Or, is it just how todays society acts? And I wonder if the price of gas is going to go back up or if we will be lucky enough to have it stay down for awhile. I wonder what color I will dye my hair. I wonder what it would be like to ride in a Rolls Royce or a Bentley. I wonder if I will make that extra set of weight lifts I set myself up for every other day. I wonder.
