celticeagle

Cross roads. We all have them. When we must make a major decision in our lives.  We may have cried jars and jars of tears and have come to the realization that we have to make a grave decision and go forward with whatever the outcome is. It isn’t easy. It can be some of the most heart rinching decisions we ever have to make. It means family members or friends may not be happy with the outcome but it has to be. Sometimes we have to go forward for ourselves and leave others behind. Or even kick them to the curb. We have to be number one and do what is best for our health. To feel a peace come over us that helps us center ourselves again. With time we can move forward and feel whole again. Time is no longer the enemy but a dear friend. Sunsets become pretty again instead of just something that marks another day. The change comes slowly. We have to have quiet and be given time to think and evaluate. To work through the horrors and fears that erode any semblance of normalcy in our lives. But then by degrees we are able to calm ourselves and come out of the shell that goes up to protect us.  

It marks us. It makes it harder to let things in. Harder to find happiness and feel easy in a situation again. Makes us wary. It causes scars and pain. It hurts us clear down to the core. Black and white becomes gray and we don’t care. Body aches, heart is sick. Life is only what we make it becomes a joke. We have to find strength to crawl out and away. Find the experience to see it coming and jump to rid ourselves of the bad feeling. We have to become human again and soften the outer stone that makes the way so hard.

Then make the decision and move toward the crossroads. We stand there tall and strong with our decision all brand new. We have to erase the ugliness and the negativity and move toward the golden light.

Life is good. Some of us are just more sensitive and we have to strengthen ourselves. We have to decide on our new pathway and then stick to it. Life is a number of such crossroads. Will dilegence we find the decision that makes the most sense. Wrong or right in other people’s eyes it has to what is right for us.

In the beginning there is just the flourishing Earth, the beautiful heavens, the purple majesties. You are totally impressed with its massive size and never ending wonder. It has so much potential and is all new. You are in awe of it all. It’s just too much to behold. But, something could be better, and perhaps better still.  And change is suddenly all around and is constant. Tools, slave labor, technology.

And what is change? That one big thrill. Making it all so much better or putting it further under the microscope to be scrutinized and torn down to a compromising level. Put it up there in lights. Perfect there under the glass. Oh, but there is just that one thing. It just isn’t quite right. And change is inevidible and sure.

It gets so old after a while. Taking in all the changes. Moving fast and furious into what? Bankruptcy. Banks falling. People stepping on people to get ahead and make that one big change. And so many people. Take it all in, move it all around. It’s change. Make that one big change. It can’t hurt anything.

Keep it up. They have to keep up. It is like an opiate. Don’t fall into repetitiveness. And forbid you should just stay put and enjoy the laurels. Enjoy it just for what it is. No. The harsh reality of that chaotic PUSH, PUSH, PUSH. Gotta have it and gotta do and be the highest, the fastest and the most elite. Have it all, have it now and at whatever expense. Doesn’t  really matter. It’s change.

That is what it is. Change. The best. We moved into a new milenia. What did we do with it? A recession. Taking it hard. But, oh the change will do us good. Everything has to be changed. It can’t stay if it works. It has to shine more, work faster, be better, be different. It has to change.

Take it all in. But hurry. It won’t stay long. Don’t even breath. Don’t depend on it either. Why? Because it is going to change. Someone is going to buy it up and it won’t look or be the same. It will be the all unending change.

And what of the Earth and the heavens? Use it up, suck it dry. They don’t care. What do they think of it all? It’s just a joke. A bad joke. Doesn’t quite work anymore. Change it!

Hey, world! It is a new year!! How exciting! I had several lime j-ello shots on New Years. Very interesting. Had never had them before. The neighbors were quiet although someone was out playing in the snow for awhile. Not sure what that was all about. The boy friend called so I didn’t think he had invited a prostitute over. Hmm. And all seems to be right with the world.

I have four more months until Me-Day on the 5th of May. Taking a plane to Florida to meet my destiny. How will I act? It will be so different. Four months though. I have alot to do.  Full body make over. Am going to the gym and getting muscles in shape. Have to be ready for a new and different way of life.

Am going to my favorite beautician to have my grey tresses revamped into a darker version of strawberry blonde. Also am getting a perm for something to do with unmanageable hair. It is like straw and I have never really been able to get it to look any way but flat. So a perm really helps. And, I like curls! I think they are romantic and can be very sexxy. Long hair is the way to go too. Long hair is, or can be, very attractive. What women are thinking when it comes to short hair is beyond me. Oh, believe me I understand the easier to take care of aspect. Maybe even alittle of the little girl look too. But, long hair is so much prettier. And men like it ALOT better.

What a year we have ahead of us in 2009! We all have a fresh new start. Enjoy! Think Smart! Be good to others! Take a chance and be all you can be! It can all be what you make of it. Go forward and be productive. You only pass through this life once and you just need to make the very best of it you can. Treat your friends as you would like to be treated. Be a friend! Delve into what makes you who you are. Be better. Back away from things that have been negative and caused you problems or pain in 2008. You have a new start. Make it amount to something. You only go through once. Make goals and keep moving.

Well, I have been a naughty girl. I went off the wagon. I have had mexican, chinese, chocolate, a Dr. Pepper. Oh, it was good! Before that I had checked the scales and saw I had lost about 3.5 pounds. That was about 40 pounds lost since March 2008. I am not going to say how much I weight. I would be mortified. I want to get down to 160. I have a ways to go. I think I thought I was doing so well I could go crazy. I won’t even look at the scales for awhile.

Oprah is doing her appreciation of the body today. Motivation to reach our goals. She found she had thyroid problems. After how long. Now I have had tests and not thyroid problems. No, it is emotional like Oprah. Love issues? Ugh! Pathetic, huh? I think some people don’t eat when they are upset and some do. I am one that eats. I have gone through the eating and not even realizing how much I have eaten. That can get scarey.

Going to a place inside of me that taps into moments of joy and self awareness is amazing. It takes work and I can’t always do it but I can try! Put forth an effort every day. I am worth it! I diserve to be happy and real my goals.

It is a daily thing and you have to take it a day at a time. But, it is important and it needs to be addressed. Exceptance and joy. It can be a real feeling of defeat.

What do I really want? Why have I failed until now? To feel like a woman and be able to wear pretty clothes and feel sexy. To feel like a more youthful me. To live to a ripe old age and still be vital and clear. These things are very important. I get lazy and I put it off until tomorrow. Well, it has to be addressed every day.  I have to do these things for me. I want that inner joy of being all I can be. To feel alive and good about my self.

I am going for six days aweek. Three days at the gym and three on my mountain bike and weights at home.  I have to do these things for me.

It all comes down to what you need and want for yourself and your life. It has to be a serious comittment. I fell off the wagon. I am climbing back up and getting after it. No excuses.