Jan 05 2009
The Never Ending Journal
Well, I have been a naughty girl. I went off the wagon. I have had mexican, chinese, chocolate, a Dr. Pepper. Oh, it was good! Before that I had checked the scales and saw I had lost about 3.5 pounds. That was about 40 pounds lost since March 2008. I am not going to say how much I weight. I would be mortified. I want to get down to 160. I have a ways to go. I think I thought I was doing so well I could go crazy. I won’t even look at the scales for awhile.
Oprah is doing her appreciation of the body today. Motivation to reach our goals. She found she had thyroid problems. After how long. Now I have had tests and not thyroid problems. No, it is emotional like Oprah. Love issues? Ugh! Pathetic, huh? I think some people don’t eat when they are upset and some do. I am one that eats. I have gone through the eating and not even realizing how much I have eaten. That can get scarey.
Going to a place inside of me that taps into moments of joy and self awareness is amazing. It takes work and I can’t always do it but I can try! Put forth an effort every day. I am worth it! I diserve to be happy and real my goals.
It is a daily thing and you have to take it a day at a time. But, it is important and it needs to be addressed. Exceptance and joy. It can be a real feeling of defeat.
What do I really want? Why have I failed until now? To feel like a woman and be able to wear pretty clothes and feel sexy. To feel like a more youthful me. To live to a ripe old age and still be vital and clear. These things are very important. I get lazy and I put it off until tomorrow. Well, it has to be addressed every day. I have to do these things for me. I want that inner joy of being all I can be. To feel alive and good about my self.
I am going for six days aweek. Three days at the gym and three on my mountain bike and weights at home. I have to do these things for me.
It all comes down to what you need and want for yourself and your life. It has to be a serious comittment. I fell off the wagon. I am climbing back up and getting after it. No excuses.
