celticeagle

Cross roads. We all have them. When we must make a major decision in our lives.  We may have cried jars and jars of tears and have come to the realization that we have to make a grave decision and go forward with whatever the outcome is. It isn’t easy. It can be some of the most heart rinching decisions we ever have to make. It means family members or friends may not be happy with the outcome but it has to be. Sometimes we have to go forward for ourselves and leave others behind. Or even kick them to the curb. We have to be number one and do what is best for our health. To feel a peace come over us that helps us center ourselves again. With time we can move forward and feel whole again. Time is no longer the enemy but a dear friend. Sunsets become pretty again instead of just something that marks another day. The change comes slowly. We have to have quiet and be given time to think and evaluate. To work through the horrors and fears that erode any semblance of normalcy in our lives. But then by degrees we are able to calm ourselves and come out of the shell that goes up to protect us.  

It marks us. It makes it harder to let things in. Harder to find happiness and feel easy in a situation again. Makes us wary. It causes scars and pain. It hurts us clear down to the core. Black and white becomes gray and we don’t care. Body aches, heart is sick. Life is only what we make it becomes a joke. We have to find strength to crawl out and away. Find the experience to see it coming and jump to rid ourselves of the bad feeling. We have to become human again and soften the outer stone that makes the way so hard.

Then make the decision and move toward the crossroads. We stand there tall and strong with our decision all brand new. We have to erase the ugliness and the negativity and move toward the golden light.

Life is good. Some of us are just more sensitive and we have to strengthen ourselves. We have to decide on our new pathway and then stick to it. Life is a number of such crossroads. Will dilegence we find the decision that makes the most sense. Wrong or right in other people’s eyes it has to what is right for us.

In the beginning there is just the flourishing Earth, the beautiful heavens, the purple majesties. You are totally impressed with its massive size and never ending wonder. It has so much potential and is all new. You are in awe of it all. It’s just too much to behold. But, something could be better, and perhaps better still.  And change is suddenly all around and is constant. Tools, slave labor, technology.

And what is change? That one big thrill. Making it all so much better or putting it further under the microscope to be scrutinized and torn down to a compromising level. Put it up there in lights. Perfect there under the glass. Oh, but there is just that one thing. It just isn’t quite right. And change is inevidible and sure.

It gets so old after a while. Taking in all the changes. Moving fast and furious into what? Bankruptcy. Banks falling. People stepping on people to get ahead and make that one big change. And so many people. Take it all in, move it all around. It’s change. Make that one big change. It can’t hurt anything.

Keep it up. They have to keep up. It is like an opiate. Don’t fall into repetitiveness. And forbid you should just stay put and enjoy the laurels. Enjoy it just for what it is. No. The harsh reality of that chaotic PUSH, PUSH, PUSH. Gotta have it and gotta do and be the highest, the fastest and the most elite. Have it all, have it now and at whatever expense. Doesn’t  really matter. It’s change.

That is what it is. Change. The best. We moved into a new milenia. What did we do with it? A recession. Taking it hard. But, oh the change will do us good. Everything has to be changed. It can’t stay if it works. It has to shine more, work faster, be better, be different. It has to change.

Take it all in. But hurry. It won’t stay long. Don’t even breath. Don’t depend on it either. Why? Because it is going to change. Someone is going to buy it up and it won’t look or be the same. It will be the all unending change.

And what of the Earth and the heavens? Use it up, suck it dry. They don’t care. What do they think of it all? It’s just a joke. A bad joke. Doesn’t quite work anymore. Change it!

2008-12-30

Yes, two more days until 2009. This started me thinking that I have certain things I want to accomplish before I die. There are things I hope I can complete and enjoy before I pump that last bit of blood through my body. (I hope to just pass in my sleep.) I am going to add a list of these here.

I would like to donate some time to geriatrics. I think old people are cool. I would like to get to know some old people and write the stories of their lives.  

Would like to have enough money to be able to donate to domestic pets, wildlife and cancer research. 

Work in endangered species in some way.

I want to parachute from a plane. With someone with me ofcourse. I don’t think I would have the nerve to do it without.

I want to write a book or group of books, enjoy some fame from it. I hope it will be popular and well liked and enjoyed.

The books that I want to write are about the endangered species or have them as mystical characters in them. Illistrated.

I would like to travel and see Ireland, Scotland, England, Wales,Isle of Mann, Greece, Rome, Paris, Peru, Australia, Egypt, and China. And I would like to visit British Columbia Canada and other parts as well.

There are many places in the US that I would like to see. The Smokey Mountains, Virginia Beach, New Orleans, Arizonas Petrofried Forest, Mackinac Island, Michigan, Montana, Red Woods, San Fransisco, North Dakota Indian Resorvation, and Kentucky, Tennessee, and New England. Salem would be cool.

Have a companion and enjoy a relationship for last part of my life. Something romantic and fulfilling. I would like to think that it will be the best love of my life.

Know a period of time that I would live as if rich. (Not have to worry about money)

Meet Some stars and personalities I have enjoyed in the movies and on television. Such as: Betty White, Whoopie Goldberg, Robin Williams,Ellen Degenerous, John Travolta, and probably some others.

Take some time in a sweat lodge, do some metaphysical therapy and hands on research in the paranormal.

Do some research into my Cherokee heritedge. Get to know some people of that nation.

Hike into a choice wilderness and live in the wild for atleast a week. Not alone though. Perhaps with my companion.

Know the owl(messenger), wolf, buffalo, eagle, and peregrine falcon.

Not die of cancer. ( Mother and father both did)

I went to see An Inconvenient Truth when it came out. I believed what Al Gore had to say. Who wouldn’t? It is obvious and well graphed and proved. Skeptics got on board and made a media side show out of it. Said that this wasn’t true. How assinine! There are even people that are trying to say that there was no Halacoust too. But, we know that isn’t true. More carbon dioxide and the temp gets warmer. That’s easy. What in the world is the world going to do?

A moral issue? YES. Indeed it is. Congress wasn’t impressed. If you can’t get them in your corner what are you going to do?

You must believe that what we take for granted, what I took for granted when I was a child, won’t be here for my grandchildren to enjoy. What a reality!

Animals are becoming extinct as you read this. The Alps are melting away. The snows of Kilamanjaro is a thing of the past. Scientists say that it is moisture rising from below. This is possibly caused by deforestation.

In the year 2005 Katrina devestated New Orleans. They are still picking up the pieces. And there were warnings that hurricanes are going to get worse.

“This could be the greatest hoax every perpetrated on our constenuants.” Okay so just we’ll just take care of it tomorrow. Wake up people!

How are we going to react when leading scientists give us their warnings? As we watch our toys washing down the street that has become a river will we look back then and wish we had listened?

Thank you Al Gore for bringing this information to the American people. As he says we otta care alot. But do we? Will we?

It is really unfair to live this wonderful life we have lead and enjoy the weather and the areas of the world and now leave this devestation and melting off to our grandchildren. What a grand legacy to leave them!

Just afew more days and we will be in 2009. I guess it is a red flag that I am getting older when I think the past year has hurried by. I am not really setting any New Year’s resolutions this time. Just setting goals and trying to stay on track. I have pounds to lose and things to research. I still am trying to get over that KM Ultra research I did. It is sort of like a death and the grieving process. You never really get over something like that. Man’s inhumanity to man is not something we should ignore or forget. It is something we need to speak out about and discuss at length. It needs to remain in the recesses of our minds and be dealt with as we can. Knowledge is power. The more we know and the more we are aware of the better off we are. The less paranoia and cynicism we can feel. It is like knowing who the enemy is and looking them square in the face.

I feel satisfied that I go forward into the new year with a new level of knowledge. Perhaps not the best of knowledge but something that will grate at the back of any other enterprises I embark on and perhaps I will pull this out again and look at it and research deeper. Who knows what else I will find. Who knows what other surprising and interesting things I can find on this cyber space highway. I never cease to feel the anormity of the opportunities that are out there and at our fingertips. It intrigues me and pushes me forward.

I want to thank all my fellow members and friends I have made on this site and so many others. Thank them for linking me to new sites and different and interesting subjects and projects to research and explore. Thank them for the ever important clicks and views that keep me reaching my goals and hurling me every forward into new mysteries and dark avenues of the worlds underbelly. I am always interested in the darker side and what makes people do what they do behind closed doors. And, what makes people strive to be good and bettering themselves as well.

I hope that who ever reads this checks back from time to time to see what I have come across and what I am writing about in months to come.

I love the old vintage movies. I just watched “The Bishop’s Wife” with Cary Grant, Loretta Young and David Kniven. David playing the bishop and Loretta his sweet wife. Cary is an angel and does it to a tee. I think my favorite scene is when David goes to the rich woman’s house to talk to her again about the new church. He gets stuck in a chair that has been recently varnished and all kinds of silliness insues. Such a charming movie. I give it 5 stars.

And, of course, last night I watched White Christmas again for about the sixth time. Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby dressed as women and singing their girlfriends song so they can get away from the police. Vermont in Winter and the songs and the ballerinas and the touching tribute to the general. It is a real classic.

I love the charm and innocence of life in these old films. Life was slow and well done back then. Charm, class and good feeling abounding. Now it is fast, furious and a hodge-podge of technology and meterialistic jive. One upmanship is in full drive. People giving eachother strange looks instead of a kind word or even a smile.

When I was a child we went carolling and make ornaments for the tree. About the only time you see home made is if the kids bring it home from school and only then when they in Kindergarten and grade school. Do we even have art classes and shop anymore?

People in the old movies have respect for their neighbors and the men walk on the outside by the street. There were actually gentleman then. They seem to be an endangered species now days. Things are very different now. We all enjoy the new technical wizardry. We all have to have our ’stuff’. Life is much different now. But, I think it is nice to catch an old movie occasionally and look in on what life used to be like in the good ole days.

I was expanding out from my further research on Noreen Grosch’s website(www.johnnygrosch.com) and found excerpts from a talk show about the obduction of her son and the lack of help from the police force and closed mouthedness of the FBI and CIA. Then I found information about mind control and a German ideology called weltnshunkrieg (or world war warfare or mind control) and I thought that this is astounding if true.

It has been proven through CIA documents obtained through the Freedom of Information Act that the MK Ultra Project existed and that the things people are testifying to is true. That after the second world war nazi scientists were brought to America in a project called Operation Paperclip that President Truman sanctioned to continue experients on mind control. This was our favorite Nazi, Hitler’s, idea to take over the world and inpress their view on those countries that they then occuied.

Cathy O’Brien, in a 1995 victim testimony, testified to the Presidents Advisory Board that she had been tortured by Dr. L. Wilson Green in a project called MK Ultra. Experiments were done on her from 1957-84. Such things as shock therapy, rape and water torture to name afew.

She now speaks out about the mind control victimization she experienced and how it controlled her.(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1snn3Ua1gc) She and her husband, Mark Phillips, ex CIA, have written several books on the facts they have researched and that Cathy lived through. The first book they colaborated on was Trance Formation of America in 1995.

This is astounding information. This is nightmare stuff. It goes on to explain how young children, we are talking about 3-6 years of age, are taken by these people and systematically raped and tortured to become assassins for the CIA. This was done here in the US in the mid 50’s to mid 80’s, but, in Canada these things started in the 30’s. A woman named Lynne Moss Sharman speaks out on YouTube(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjlPJxfmmAU) about electricity, inplants, sensory deprevation,  and drugs. How brain function changes in extreme conditions. That there were dislocations of the limbs. It was the easiest and cheapest way to reinforce the fact that the victim is helpless.
Given LSD and she has a dissociative personality that is called Monster Girl. She was so sensitized by the drugs that material felt like cement and her skin was so rough she felt like a monster. Long wires were put in her nostril after her left eye was taken out. She recalled over hearing someone in the room at that time saying: “ No one will ever think of looking behind the eye.” Electroshock made it hard for her to speak for a long time and so she felt unable to speak about her experiences for a long time. (http://www.freedommag.org/english/canada/vol004i1/page10.htm)

And this research all started with a woman writing an article about the money Caylee Anthony’s family was getting for the story of their murdered child. WOW!

Caylee Anthony. What about that poor little three year old child? What must she have gone through the last few days and hours of her life? She must have been terrified. What could have happened to her? AND, the big question for me ,and others I have spoken to, is where is her father? What happened to him?

I received an email from a fellow writer on a site that utilize. I didn’t take it well. She seemed up in arms regarding money that the Anthony family is getting for their story. I felt that people should be more respectful to the family and let them do as they please. I really did. I think it very sad that all of this comes to light during the holdiay season. During a time when people need to be uplifted. I felt that it was not these peoples place to go on about the money when the girls story or the background wasn’t even put forth- just the money! That was my instant take on it.

This story has been in the news for many months. It is just so sad that things had to  come to the surface at this time of year. We need good news.  Why does the news have to be so negative and horrific to sell? Gotta make that almighty dollar. I am hoping we hear something good in the new year. It’s a wonderful life! Let’s not dwell on the bad. Let’s enjoy The Nutcracker and all the very christmasy things we can. We need to make the most out of the next few months. We are having a white Christmas in my state. It is icy cold and in the teens. Now isn’t that Yule tidey?

Lets wish our fellow man a good and happy season. A touching Christmas Eve spent getting those last packages wrapped and put under the tree.  A nice and warm family get together Christmas day. A relaxing nap afterwards. And a very Happy New Year. Let’s do that!

2008-12-18  18:56:53

Boise River runs through our capitol city. I enjoy riding my mountain bike along the green belt trail that runs along it in the Spring and Summer months. In this icy cold we are experiencing in this part of the country right now I am not able to ride. This gets me feeling clostriphobic and not alittle ansy. Something about snow on the ground that makes me feel confined.

I suffer from severe depression and I don’t go in for the winter sports alot of Idahoans enjoy. I work online, shop, go to the gym and interact with my grandkids, family and friends. That’s life in my slow lane. At this point in time anyway. In May I am going to go to the opposite side of the United States and meet a man I met on Tagged, a social networking site. I haven’t been on a plane for thirty years or more. So much has changed, but thats another blog.

I spent the two hours at the gym today reconstituting my goals for the coming year. Scarey since I have spent two years in a room, in an apartment in the North End of Boise. Severe depression is like being in a sleeping coma. You are aware but care nothing about the day-to day-activities of life. You just drift through the days as if you are a dust bunny.

 In four more months I travel across the United States to meet someone I know but I have never met in person. Different? Yes. Unlike anything I have ever done before. I put alot of store in this man. He is unique and spiritual. He is calm and dedicated. He is unlike any man I have ever known.  I am sure I will be blogging more about him in the future and expressing to the world my take on him after we meet.

 And in trying to keep myself together until May I wonder about all manner of things. I wonder sometimes how the gals on The View do it. It drives me mad to listen to them talk over one another and try so desperately to be heard. Frustration. Is that true debate? Or, is it just how todays society acts? And I wonder if the price of gas is going to go back up or if we will be lucky enough to have it stay down for awhile. I wonder what color I will dye my hair.  I wonder what it would be like to ride in a Rolls Royce or a Bentley. I wonder if I will make that extra set of weight lifts I set myself up for every other day. I wonder.

What does a non-snow bunny do in the midst of snow and cold weather? Thank god she has a computer.  I want to hybernate until April or May. Cold does not ignite my inner child to do snow angels or for me to jump on a snow mobile and do wheelies through corn fields. This non-snow bunny cranks out articles and blogs like there is no tomorrow. I can roll up in my afgan and write about how to make snickerdoodles or how to be romantic all in the warm, cozy comfort of my room. I don’t even have to get dresses if I don’t want to. Oops, that  may have been too much information.

The true goal of living through winter in Idaho for me is to not fall victim to a deep,dark depression like those that have plagued me in past years. One that creeps in like a icy horror and grabs you unaware. The body aches begin and negativity abounds. I don’t care if I get up and meet the day or not.  The strength of years of experience keeps me from falling into that but not always by much.  No blue christmas for this girl!

Music is a great depression deterrent. I visit all the old favorites such as In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, Janis Joplin. The Eagles and The Who. The deep seated rock and vains of jazz that run through it like a river of sweet vibrating sound that brings the mood up and puts me in a place where I can move on into the day and generate work and interact with my family and friends.

Those old movies keep me coming back every year. I love to see White Christmas with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. Dear Danny. He is so good at playing the injured war vet when they are trying to keep their old Army general from catching his favorite tv show is classic. And then there is The Bishop’s Wife with Loretta Young and Cary Grant. Cary as an angel, isn’t that a hoot? He is a dear that enchants all the women and leaves the men wondering what just happened. The scene when David Kniven gets stuck in the newly varnished chair is halarious. It is not Four Christmases but it has all the funny absurbness of some of the newer ones. They shouldn’t be missed.

The old classic carols like Deck The Halls and The Little Drummer Boy still do my heart good. You hear them every where you go. You turn on the radio and hear some country and western singer singing about loving it up at christmas time. My favorites are the old classics though. O’ Little Town of Bethlehem and The Twelve Days of Christmas. They make me happy and lift my mood. But I can’t do without hearing Nat King Cole’s the Christmas Song.

And what about the smells of Christmas? Scented candles and pine tree needle smells and cookies baking. And all the pies. Pecan and pumpkin, apple and mincemeat. Isn’t that one of the greatest parts of Christmas?

All these things added together make for a great time of year. The feeling of good will and sparkling undergrowth of happiness and love that runs through the days is addicting. It makes you look forward to the next year and its adventures. It is too bad we can’t all keep some of this good feeling throughout the rest of the year.